Are you wondering how to die? I’m going to share with you a personal story, then solve the problem that millions of people are trying to figure out!
In the beginning… I was a child as I was being feed milk in a figurative perspective, that I didn’t know what this life was for. I took everything for granted especially when life got hard. At a young age, I was like so many others who were raised in a broken home then bombarded by peer pressure. I’m sure you can see where all this is going but I’ll skip the sappy stuff and just get to the point. I was a down south Georgia rebel, doing what I want, living on my own rules. I began smoking weed when I was around 15 then that opened up a whole new world to me. I began going to parties and enjoying getting high to drown out all the worries of life (I know how can a 14 yr/ old have worries).
When I turned 17, I had it all figured out. Haha! I was able to party and make money at the same time and not have to work anymore. Truly this was the life or so I thought, but in reality, I was just washing away my personality, and trying to mellow out the pain. It really was only a placebo effect covering up the problem, not ever fixing the real void that I felt deep inside though. It couldn’t be fixed with drugs, sex or anything else that this world had to offer. Don’t judge me as I’m not trying to go off in a long spiel of how awful I was but when I make my point you’ll see why I’ve explained all of this, and thankfully I never got any diseases or kids as I don’t know what would of come of me.
Well, somewhere around 17 I had given up on trying to graduate and got myself kicked out of my step dad’s house because I had broken their last straw, I had been caught again. Haha! Because I had really broken things up between my family. I didn’t even try to call my dad and I took a backpack full of some cloths and other stuff and then walked down town Marietta to where some of my buddies would hang out, became better friends with one of my school mates at a Star Bucks over there and offered him a job to drive me around and help me sell drugs. So he took the offer and even gave me a place to stay then I partied even harder then before. I had no reasons to sneak out or hide anything. There were no rules and I had everything I needed so I thought. I was selling quarter pounds of weed and some other stuff here and there making more money than the average worker. I had no reason to quit, but life changed in an instant…
I was drunk on the Marta after getting out of a concert at willow five points and so was my room mate. He wasn’t as bad off as me and was able to drive but he had a new 300z and hit it hard around a corner and over steered causing us to hit a fence and getting stuck on a 4×4 post. We were unable to get this car over the 4×4 post so we could get home, and well, got caught trying to hide from the cops. He went to jail and I blew in the breathalyzer and was completely drunk but being a mile away from my house, they took me home. In the state of Georgia we have a zero tolerance law and I should have gone to jail. Also I was on probation and should have gone to jail and stayed there but they didn’t realize that.
The next morning I was kicked out from his family and went back to square one trying to find a place to live once again. But being at that age I could never get a job cause I was taken out of school (not my will) and I was emancipated so I was considered a legal adult. Though I couldn’t get a permanent work and the emancipation letter did me no good to get hired. I also wasn’t able to get a hold of any drugs even when I had been able to make hundreds in one night, I was completely broke and felt deserted. I spent a night at one of the local parties then the following day attempted to sleep in the back of the woods behind a Save Rite. This time was different though, I had come to the end of my rope. I didn’t want to continue this life, it had the fire exhausted for living. I just wanted life to end but at that moment, I thought about the end of life and if there was an end or just another beginning of an afterlife. I was raised in a Christian home but I didn’t see God in my home. If anything happens to my family, I feel apart and I blamed God for it.
I Want To Die
At that moment, stranded in the woods, I began to realize that there was no point to go on if there wasn’t a God. This world was too cruel and there is no hope. I began to pray on my hands and knees asking God, asking Jesus to send me a place to live, food to eat, and a job. If memory doesn’t serves me correctly I even made a promise to serve Him, if He would provide for me and give me new life. As any man who comes to the end of their rope it leaves them broken, I prayed for about 5 minutes of a powerful prayer in tears and asking for Jesus to change me, change my life and give me new hope and a new home. Then the moment I said “Amen” somebody yelled MY NAME! I completely lost my composure! I thought the devil was out to get me! I grabbed my backpack and peaked outside the woods looking to see if it was Reco (the man who wanted to kill me). But to my surprise it wasn’t the devil, and it wasn’t Reco!
How to Die to Myself
Turn to me and be saved, all you ends of the earth; for I am God, and there is no other. – Isaiah 45:22
A friend of mine came to the rescue or should I say God sent him to rescue me *wink*. I was invited to stay at his house for a week and the whole time I was there I was being asked by his mom to call up my folks. Though I had told her my mom and step dad kicked me out and my dad is getting remarried and his future wife wants nothing to do with me. Not only were they pounding me to call my parents, but I still wasn’t able to get any drugs! I thought about how to die just the day before, now I’m so confused! It may not sound profound to you as you might have not been in my shoes, but I knew everybody and I could get whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. There was nothing but one joint that we were able to get. I didn’t even feel the need to smoke it as it probably wouldn’t even have got me high. There was also this strange feeling inside me from the event that took place a couple days prior. I hadn’t told them but left it inside trying to figure this all out.
My Suicidal Thoughts Lead To Peace
Then I was asked again to call my folks, this time it rang in my head. I was curious what had come of my dad as I hadn’t even talked to him in over 6 months. So when I got a moment of piece, I ended up calling my dad, just so she’d leave me a lone. Inside I desired to move back in with my dad as we did, used to have a good relationship till I screwed things up. I called him and asked if I could move back in and told him I wanted to change. He said call me back in three days and so I did. That phone call was quick, he asked me where I was at the moment and came to pick me up after I agreed to not bring any drugs into his house. I had told them that no one knew where or how to contact me, for all they know is that I was shot and left in some ditch or had spit town looking for a new adventure as I was well known for pulling disappearing acts.
The very next day in the morning my dad took me to a place to get a job and the first place I had applied for. I got a job! Within 7 days, I had all of my prayers answered! Thing about it though is that it didn’t hit me like it does now, after I’ve had a moment to sit back and contemplate all the pieces of the puzzle and see how perfectly they fit.
The very next day I went to work and realized one of my good Christian friends that I was in the worship band in with working with me! Again when I say good friends, I pretty much mean best friends but us guys don’t talk like that. We had spent many hours at each others houses, raided each others refrigerators and playing pranks on all the family members. It was my long lost brother, to the point after another few years down the road when he got married I was his best man. We are still close friends and God had it all figured out to crossing every “t” and dotting every “i”. No small detail was left out but they all played a huge role in how God works in mysteries ways.
A few months when my dad and I were outside of church just talking about what had really happened, he had told me that he split up with his fiancee one week before I had called, which would have prevented me from moving in. It may sound sad that my dad had split up with her right before they were about to get married, but God was telling him this was not the one. And as I write this I can tell you my dad has found the right one for him and is happily married to a great women. Again all part of the greater plan.
Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. – 1 Timothy 1:15-16
I had come from being a nobody who wasn’t thought or cared about, to being a blessed man of God. I wasn’t the worst of sinners like Apostle Paul, but I felt darn close. I now know this story of mine wasn’t meant for just for me, but to be a story of what Jesus wants to do to our lives, wants to completely wash us clean from our filth, and create in us a new heart. I plan to fulfill my promise even if I hadn’t made the promised to God, I’d still serve Him! This is the beginning of my story, the beginning to many more miracles yet to come, beginning of a real walk with Jesus; a personal relationship with Lord God Almighty, Amen!
Want to check out a story even more amazing than this? Take a trip with me to read about my near death experience when I had a serious motorcycle accident that left doctors challenging their own faith!
Do you want to know God in a personal way, like I know Him? Want to find out how to goto heaven? It’s very simple. It couldn’t be easier! He loves us so much that He made it possible just by believing in Him and saying the prayer of salvation.