How To Die

Are you wondering how to die? I’m going to share with you a personal story, then solve the problem that millions of people are trying to figure out!

In the beginning… I was a child as I was being feed milk in a figurative perspective, that I didn’t know what this life was for. I took everything for granted especially when life got hard. At a young age, I was like so many others who were raised in a broken home then bombarded by peer pressure. I’m sure you can see where all this is going but I’ll skip the sappy stuff and just get to the point. I was a down south Georgia rebel, doing what I want, living on my own rules. I began smoking weed when I was around 15 then that opened up a whole new world to me. I began going to parties and enjoying getting high to drown out all the worries of life (I know how can a 14 yr/ old have worries).

When I turned 17, I had it all figured out. Haha! I was able to party and make money at the same time and not have to work anymore. Truly this was the life or so I thought, but in reality, I was just washing away my personality, and trying to mellow out the pain. It really was only a placebo effect covering up the problem, not ever fixing the real void that I felt deep inside though. It couldn’t be fixed with drugs, sex or anything else that this world had to offer. Don’t judge me as I’m not trying to go off in a long spiel of how awful I was but when I make my point you’ll see why I’ve explained all of this, and thankfully I never got any diseases or kids as I don’t know what would of come of me.

Suicidal Thoughts

Well, somewhere around 17 I had given up on trying to graduate and got myself kicked out of my step dad’s house because I had broken their last straw, I had been caught again. Haha! Because I had really broken things up between my family. I didn’t even try to call my dad and I took a backpack full of some cloths and other stuff and then walked down town Marietta to where some of my buddies would hang out, became better friends with one of my school mates at a Star Bucks over there and offered him a job to drive me around and help me sell drugs. So he took the offer and even gave me a place to stay then I partied even harder then before. I had no reasons to sneak out or hide anything. There were no rules and I had everything I needed so I thought. I was selling quarter pounds of weed and some other stuff here and there making more money than the average worker. I had no reason to quit, but life changed in an instant…

I want to dieI was drunk on the Marta after getting out of a concert at willow five points and so was my room mate. He wasn’t as bad off as me and was able to drive but he had a new 300z and hit it hard around a corner and over steered causing us to hit a fence and getting stuck on a 4×4 post. We were unable to get this car over the 4×4 post so we could get home, and well, got caught trying to hide from the cops. He went to jail and I blew in the breathalyzer and was completely drunk but being a mile away from my house, they took me home. In the state of Georgia we have a zero tolerance law and I should have gone to jail. Also I was on probation and should have gone to jail and stayed there but they didn’t realize that.

The next morning I was kicked out from his family and went back to square one trying to find a place to live once again. But being at that age I could never get a job cause I was taken out of school (not my will) and I was emancipated so I was considered a legal adult. Though I couldn’t get a permanent work and the emancipation letter did me no good to get hired. I also wasn’t able to get a hold of any drugs even when I had been able to make hundreds in one night, I was completely broke and felt deserted. I spent a night at one of the local parties then the following day attempted to sleep in the back of the woods behind a Save Rite. This time was different though, I had come to the end of my rope. I didn’t want to continue this life, it had the fire exhausted for living. I just wanted life to end but at that moment, I thought about the end of life and if there was an end or just another beginning of an afterlife. I was raised in a Christian home but I didn’t see God in my home. If anything happens to my family, I feel apart and I blamed God for it.

I Want To Die

At that moment, stranded in the woods, I began to realize that there was no point to go on if there wasn’t a God. This world was too cruel and there is no hope. I began to pray on my hands and knees asking God, asking Jesus to send me a place to live, food to eat, and a job. If memory doesn’t serves me correctly I even made a promise to serve Him, if He would provide for me and give me new life. As any man who comes to the end of their rope it leaves them broken, I prayed for about 5 minutes of a powerful prayer in tears and asking for Jesus to change me, change my life and give me new hope and a new home. Then the moment I said “Amen” somebody yelled MY NAME! I completely lost my composure! I thought the devil was out to get me! I grabbed my backpack and peaked outside the woods looking to see if it was Reco (the man who wanted to kill me). But to my surprise it wasn’t the devil, and it wasn’t Reco!

How to Die to Myself

Turn to me and be saved, all you ends of the earth; for I am God, and there is no other. – Isaiah 45:22

How to dieA friend of mine came to the rescue or should I say God sent him to rescue me *wink*. I was invited to stay at his house for a week and the whole time I was there I was being asked by his mom to call up my folks. Though I had told her my mom and step dad kicked me out and my dad is getting remarried and his future wife wants nothing to do with me. Not only were they pounding me to call my parents, but I still wasn’t able to get any drugs! I thought about how to die just the day before, now I’m so confused! It may not sound profound to you as you might have not been in my shoes, but I knew everybody and I could get whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. There was nothing but one joint that we were able to get. I didn’t even feel the need to smoke it as it probably wouldn’t even have got me high. There was also this strange feeling inside me from the event that took place a couple days prior. I hadn’t told them but left it inside trying to figure this all out.

My Suicidal Thoughts Lead To Peace

Then I was asked again to call my folks, this time it rang in my head. I was curious what had come of my dad as I hadn’t even talked to him in over 6 months. So when I got a moment of piece, I ended up calling my dad, just so she’d leave me a lone. Inside I desired to move back in with my dad as we did, used to have a good relationship till I screwed things up. I called him and asked if I could move back in and told him I wanted to change. He said call me back in three days and so I did. That phone call was quick, he asked me where I was at the moment and came to pick me up after I agreed to not bring any drugs into his house. I had told them that no one knew where or how to contact me, for all they know is that I was shot and left in some ditch or had spit town looking for a new adventure as I was well known for pulling disappearing acts.

The very next day in the morning my dad took me to a place to get a job and the first place I had applied for. I got a job! Within 7 days, I had all of my prayers answered! Thing about it though is that it didn’t hit me like it does now, after I’ve had a moment to sit back and contemplate all the pieces of the puzzle and see how perfectly they fit.

The very next day I went to work and realized one of my good Christian friends that I was in the worship band in with working with me! Again when I say good friends, I pretty much mean best friends but us guys don’t talk like that. We had spent many hours at each others houses, raided each others refrigerators and playing pranks on all the family members. It was my long lost brother, to the point after another few years down the road when he got married I was his best man. We are still close friends and God had it all figured out to crossing every “t” and dotting every “i”. No small detail was left out but they all played a huge role in how God works in mysteries ways.

A few months when my dad and I were outside of church just talking about what had really happened, he had told me that he split up with his fiancee one week before I had called, which would have prevented me from moving in. It may sound sad that my dad had split up with her right before they were about to get married, but God was telling him this was not the one. And as I write this I can tell you my dad has found the right one for him and is happily married to a great women. Again all part of the greater plan.

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. – 1 Timothy 1:15-16

I had come from being a nobody who wasn’t thought or cared about, to being a blessed man of God. I wasn’t the worst of sinners like Apostle Paul, but I felt darn close. I now know this story of mine wasn’t meant for just for me, but to be a story of what Jesus wants to do to our lives, wants to completely wash us clean from our filth, and create in us a new heart. I plan to fulfill my promise even if I hadn’t made the promised to God, I’d still serve Him! This is the beginning of my story, the beginning to many more miracles yet to come, beginning of a real walk with Jesus; a personal relationship with Lord God Almighty, Amen!

Want to check out a story even more amazing than this? Take a trip with me to read about my near death experience when I had a serious motorcycle accident that left doctors challenging their own faith!

Do you want to know God in a personal way, like I know Him? Want to find out how to goto heaven? It’s very simple. It couldn’t be easier! He loves us so much that He made it possible just by believing in Him and saying the prayer of salvation.

463 thoughts on “How To Die”

  1. Tell me a way to die as easily as possible. I won’t tell you my age or anything about my self. Just tell me how to die so I can get out of this world and slip into heaven.

    • Hey, I will not give you any advice on how to die. I will pray that you get hope on how to live, as this life is worth living. Even though things can get tough. You should read about my motorcycle story as I believe that will give you hope as well.

      God bless, and praying for you!

    • I taught this was site would give some advice how die painlessly like in your sleep.. i’m looking for answers like that.

  2. Hi,

    In my life all are there but there is no use even tho i am fighting for my life
    to good but there is no happy ness i feel like killing my self but i am not adl to i cant leve my mother alone i Love my mom Please help me

    • Hey Sowmya,

      God is indeed in love with you and on your side if you allow Him to take Kingship over your life. I also want to share this verse with you..

      Romans 5:2-5 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

    • hi ,

      pls dnt do that.pls take it easy on life.
      i will help you,but what kind of help do you want.

      Pls reply this email id.



    • hi saomya,

      U love ur mother this is enough dont think abt anything so live happy & share every thing & every thoughts to ur mother. she give u right way.

    • hi sowmya u hav all relations at ur home but u r feeling lonely once u think abt them they dont have time to spend all time with u if u r not doing anything then plz change ur life style then u will know y then u know their tensions ok n u love ur mom once think abt her

    • Please don’t do this. Life is beautiful ….it’s like a bike…..Depend on you how to ride… will get lots of ups & down’s in your life but it doesn’t mean to end your life …just fight with the situations ….. And win the game of life …then you will feel that you are not a common person .. You have ability to fight and win ….

    • Hi Sowmya,

      even i am facing the same problem, i feel as if no one is with me….God gave me a good job but some insecure problem.Sometim i feel like ending up my life.

  3. Hey Justin.
    Just thought i’d let you know you have a wonderful testimony. I believe in GOD and the miracles he can perform, just not for me. I’m different. I’m so far gone, it feels like there’s no hope for me. I’ve attempted suicide 4 times and began cutting at 12.. Theres not much i can do anymore. All i ask is that you pray for me and help me to restore my life to the way i was.. I can’t tell my family (not that they’d care) so i ask for your prayers to help me be myself again. I’m only a teenager, but i don’t have much hope.

    • Hey Becca,

      You will most def have my prayers. I do want to tell you that teenage years can be hard but I promise you the best is yet to come. People do care about you, even if its hard for them to express it. I would like to point something out to you as well. You said you believe in God and miracles, but not for you because your too far gone? What about me being a drug dealer didn’t you understand haha. Your never too far gone from God’s love. He just wants you to “draw near to Him and He will draw near to you” -James 4:8. Also, if you believe God, then you will believe every word of the Bible. All of it is a book of promises of what God will do if your accept Him. Praying for you!

  4. Hello Justin,

    I am a mother of 3 children ages 15,17,and 19. I have bipolar disorder and am having alot of trouble since my ex-husband left me 4 years ago on Dec 20, 2008. He left me for another women. We were together 18 years. I have a 1 year old grandson now. I do not want to live any longer because I am lonely. My 15 year old Daughter hates me. my kids that do live with me never want to help out around the house. My daughter was 16 years old when she had my grandson. My ex-husband does not have alot to do with my children that live here with me and has become very mean, hateful,abusive, and other things. Something has just set me off today and I am having a hard time dealing with life right now. I do want to die. I really do. I am on medications. Alot of them. I am trying so hard I just do not know what to do.

    • Hey Debbie,

      I know it doesn’t seem easy, but it will get easier and life will be more enjoyable. I know teenagers are hard to raise up, but thats because they are learning who they are. Just bless them, even when they don’t receive it. Tell them you love them and affirm them where they are doing good. Everyday just encourage them, and you will see them become mature adults because they have the love of their mother. Its hard to correct and rebuke when they aren’t willing to receive, but bless them every chance you get and speak good of them. They are your children and they do love you, even when they don’t show it. I’m praying for you to reconnect with your children, as they are precious even when they make mistakes. Just like our Father in heaven, He is willing to take us back the moment we ask for forgiveness and becoming willing to be embraced.

      “So there is hope for your future,” declares the LORD. “Your children will return to their own land.” Jeremiah 31:17

      Medications or not, God can heal you. He can do radical miracles of healing or He can use doctors to heal you. I’m also going to be praying for God to heal you like He’s healed me. God bless

    • Debbie,

      I hope all is going well or at least better. From the perspective of a teenager, when I was 16 years old, I was awful. I was an extremely hard child to deal with. I even bursted into fits, quite often, telling my mother how it’d be best if she would just kill herself. I am 21 now. And one thing I want to emphasize most is this: had my mother actually done what I said, I do not know where I would be without her. Yes, I told her I hated her more than anyone and I made her feel awful. I would like to do nothing more than to take back all the horrible things I told my mother. Although I made her cry many nights, she thankfully never did kill herself. Without her, my world would be lost and I would forever regret the words that came out of my mouth (I still do regret them). Teenagers say things they do not mean, they’re very hurtful people. But I know that without you, your daughter would be lost and have a broken heart with the loss of her loving and selfless mother.

      You need to re-evaluate yourself. What do you deserve? Do you deserve a man who left you, puts you down, and is abusive? Absolutely not. If you can’t tell yourself you’re worth more, I will tell you– You are worth being treated like the beautiful person you are. THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO WOULD KILL TO BE WITH YOU. Just because you haven’t met him yet does not mean it cannot happen. Life likes to take its’ time.

      Your relationship did not work out and although it is hard to see it now, some day you will be thankful. Although you may think your ex-husband was the one, this truly is a blessing in disguise. Why? Because after the pain and tears, it will lead you onto the pathway of finding your TRUE love.

      And although not feeling lonely anymore doesn’t happen over time, give yourself the OPPORTUNITY to find the time and let life handle the pieces as they fall where they may.

      Seeing a psychiatrist would greatly help your emotions and finding a logical and non-harmful solution to your loneliness.

      Please hang in there and stay strong! You are a beautiful person and you ARE worth the fight. Life is a difficult battle, some lost and some won. But in the very end, when you’re a very happy, old woman, you’ll be happy you realized you’re worth more than this. You’ll be thankful you gave yourself a second chance.

  5. Back pain for last 1and half years is debilitating want to die, i used to be a playful now its all history, life is scikening iam only 30years already debilitated, feel like dying but my mother is alone cant leave her what to do, i want to die cannot bear this

    • i have a rib problem 7 months ago ,i cant do any of the things i use to like,and iknow by now that this pain in my ribs and back is not going anywhere,so iam absolutely depresss getting worst day by day and iam thinking seriously to kill me asoon as possible any suggestions of how to do it in a way that looks like an accident so my family dont suffer that much

      • Jay,

        First off your family would suffer if you weren’t there, along with your friends. I too suffered a serious motor cycle accident that put me at a near death experience. Though, I prayed to Jesus to heal me, and He did. There are so many miracles that God is ready to do if we will but put faith in Him. As this is the only thing that pleases Him. I’m praying for you Jay. God bless!

  6. hey justin, i am a boy of 16yrs i am just busted friends,peers and sometimes my parents make fun of me — the reason being i am not gud at anything neither academics nor i have a goodfriend.sometimes i feel that i am nowhere just lost , cannot convey my feelings to anywhere.suffering from insomnia and the thoughts of suicide constantly distubs me and make me sad everytime.praying to the almighty for a change but noyhing seems to work……..iam really messed up dont know what to do

    • Hey Sammy,

      I don’t by any means claim to have all the answers. What I can do is pray for you. I know its hard living with family as the ones that you are closer too, are the ones that can hurt you the most. I’m going to be praying for peace in your life so that you can sleep better and know who you are in the eyes of God. You have a purpose in this world, and even though when it seems like everybody is against you. You are worth a lot bro, be strong.

      God bless!

  7. Hello Justin,

    I ask for forgiveness first from his holiness as well as wish good things to those who have received his blessing. I am in a rough spot at the moment, having no car – car accident due to a seizure/ totaled luckily insurance covered most of the car loan. I currently walk to work which is good for not having to pay gas however in high heat and even rain i will endure the temperature to get to work. I was currently on a seven day work week from having three people at work go through various shift changes so taking the brunt of the responsibility. As to stress and health i run as well as do martial arts exercises every other day before and even after work sometimes when it pitch dark outside – i dont smoke/ dont drink/ and no sex. As to all this after work i even clean up the children and teen’s mess to help out around home as well as help with dinner and chores when needed. I feel overworked and underpaid due to the experience of having seven jobs going through the military but was discharged prior to completing boot camp with seizures. I work in the customer service healthcare industry and been going through job changes during that time. As to my current stress having no friends except for the acquantinences at work and going from work and home and doing that repeatedly without a time to relax as in vacation or even a time to hang with a girlfriend – wish i had but my work schedule and transportation situation limited all that. I am at the point where i would like to know what i am doing but i feel i am hitting my head against the wall and putting up the good fight like rocky until something great comes along. Its been a very long road and im constantly trying my best to improve every skill i can however i can only do so much given the situations that i have. As to the message i just wanted to share this its better for others to understand and to contemplate it while giving room for understanding so id like to hear from you on what i can on positive feedback and solutions.

    Thank you

    • Hey Sean,

      I feel for you. I was recently where you were at six months ago. I really didn’t know what to do as I was working 2 jobs and a small biz. I was still living from paycheck to paycheck and was never getting anywhere. Even though I had seen so many miracles, I was praying for another. Sometimes the solution is right in our face and sometimes its right around the corner. The only thing to do is pray and ask God what to do. He will speak to you. “I am the Good Shepard, I know my sheep and my sheep know me” John 10:14 We are just like sheep to, dumb. We need to be told where to go. Sheep are also quiet blind and need to be told where there is some grass so that we can eat. Its really a great analogy of how we are ment to trust in God. I’m going to def be praying for you, and who knows maybe my missionary story will be one that you are familiar with down the road.

      Keep in touch, praying for you!

  8. hi justin
    im 14 and i feel as though no one cares for me i am a determined person but no one wants to listen to me or put me in the things i love. i feel that dieing will change their lifes and say how much they love me when they dont

    • Hey Kelly,

      Without vision there is no hope. So I ask you what do you want to get become? What purpose do you have inside of you? Don’t allow other people to shut down your vision. You are very special and have a great purpose. Proving a point by killing yourself is truly a wasted life. You are still very young and have a bright future. “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Matt 7:13-14 Take hold of a vision that will drive you to live a narrow road, even if others can’t understand. I’m going to be praying for you Kelly; praying for peace and vision upon your life.

      God bless!

    • Hey Kishan,

      I’m going to be praying for you. I know how it is too lose everything and want to take a short cut out of life. It won’t solve anything, especially if there is a personal God who wrote the Bible for us, and all those words are true. I’m glad you have love for your family especially, as they would be heart broken if anything happened to you. I always want to tell you that money comes and goes. Your health and family are far more important. Praying for you Kishan

  9. hi justin,
    i m 42 year old gay person.till the age of 40 things were fairly quite fine with me.i had a job in a reputed company.i never had any steady partner,although i missed that i was never unhappy.i was in search.2010 april i lost my job first.i started doing a small fancy jewellery was not doing too good but i somewhat managed.on august end i meet this person in my life.he started coming to my house,after one month he accepted our relation and wanted to be a partner to my life.that was the most beautiful day in my life,a straight guy accepting a relation with me,i was overjoyed and told him you are god sent.things soon changed after that.happiness gave away to sadness.soon i found out his attraction was more for women and he lusted for women body.i never got enough love.i could not leave him,even though i tried many time,i was so deeply in love with him.with all the shortcoming i was with mother passed away on march 2011 leaving me shattered.november 2011 my partner decided to leave me forever.i cried ,begged fallen on his feet,not to give this pain.i said my mother left me ,you please do not leave me alone.devil was on him,he gave a deaf ear,walked off leaving me devasted.its not that all the faults are with him,i have done several mistakes,its all part of a relationship,i never had the guts to shoo him day after 4 months i am financially devasted,mentally tormented,tortured to the core,not able to forget him for one moment,what a pain it is i cant express.going to bed and geting up with the same feeling,it is stuck in my heart like a is a severe pain unable to bear it.i prayed to god to help me erase this pain or do some wonder so that he forgives me and comes back we forget all the indifferences between us and start a new amount of anything is helping.i have lost the meaning of life to live.each day has become a torture.i cant stay alone anymore…..please see before i take any firm decision,if u can help me.

    • Hey,

      I think we all understand what its like to have our heart broken, but it won’t fill that empty space in your heart no matter how much you try. You first have to become whole and then add somebody to your life. I’m sure your well aware that the Bible talks about not dating the same sex. That means its a sin and will never give you peace or joy, but just the opposite. Its a temporary thing that feels good, that leads to a road of pain. “22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” Gal 5:22-23

      I want to let you know nobody hates you. I love gay people very much, and only wish them well. I do know our society has accepted it these days as being “righteous” but its not. We have to change our way of thinking. “If we think the way we’ve always thought we’ll continue to get what we’ve always got.” I can promise you if you slow down and seek God then He will draw near to you (james 4:8). Your in the prayers of many, God bless!

  10. I was born with a terrible disease call neurofibromas. It causes nothing but pain and stress. I’m depressed 99% of the time. My life is horrible! Nothing seems to be going right. I prayed and did all of the things I was suppose to. I’m always helping people and putting everyone before me. I was told to pray and stay faithful to God. I’ve been praying for years and years and God has done nothing for me ever. What do I do when God himself turns his back on me. I’m tired of being in pain and crying every night. I use to believe God loved every one, but I truly don’t believe that anymore. I suffer each and everyday for no reason. I even asked God to take me off the earth, since I’m such a bad of a person. I can’t even get that, so I’m still here. Dose God like to see people in pain. What dose a person do when God himself doesn’t care about you?

    • Hey,

      I know life doesn’t seem fair, but that doesn’t mean God hates you. Just the opposite, as God loves everyone. “38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:38-39

      I too have had my fair experience of pain which you can read here… I want you to know that God does still do miracles as He’s a living God for the living. I’ll be praying for you to see this as well. Stop looking at how big your problems are and start looking how big God is. You ever notice Jesus would heal so many people and always said “its by your faith that you are made well”. Its not by Jesus’ faith, but the other person’s. Continue praying and don’t stop. Ask God if He will heal you and wait to hear His voice. He does speak, and He does care about you!

      God bless, praying for you!

    • Hey Ashley,

      That is not true, I care and I’m listening. Also, did you check out that website ? I want to share with you a verse “How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.” Psalm 139:17-18 God is thinking about you, and He cares. He’s willing to come to you. “Draw close to God and God will draw close to you” James 4:8

      Praying for you Ashley, God bless!

  11. Hey, this is my first time I’ve tried to seek help so the story maybe long as I have much to get off my chest.. But I may be rusty because I don’t feel comfortable doing this… But here goes.. I’ve had a rough history through eating disorders and unfortunate severe life threatening injuries from such young ages to this present day. Yet I’ve never had these suicidal thoughts as I was too young (starting from the age of 8)… For all I’ve been through I found a reason to live at the age of 15.. (being seriously unwell for 7 years), I found someone who helped me through the darkness and pain as she had previous health issues and knew how to look after me. But not only was she my best friend, she was also my girlfriend. Although, I love my family to pieces she was the one and only reason that made me look forward to waking up in the morning… However, I never had any thoughts of suicide.. Im currently 19 years old now and haven’t been with this girl for a year now (I was 15 when i started going out with her and ended when I was 18).. Those years changed my life massively and I’ve grown to fall in love with her. Now I’m not one of those people to throw that word around, I’ve only ever told my parents and this one girl that I love them before.. But before meeting her I was a misunderstood person. Having many friends, opportunities, “talents” and “looks” although I disagree, people actually really like me, many people say they want to be like me.. But if only they knew as these are the people who doesn’t know about my dark side of life as I am known to be far too independant for my own good. The fact of this matter is I’ve spent 9.9/10 of my nights crying into a pillow watching the hours go by without sleep,  litterally within this year I’ve ate much less than half of those days because I can’t eat.. I feel another disorder growing but whoever can relate to me would know its not as simple to “just eat”.. I find a place to sit on my own to drink alcohol and just cry.. Singing our old songs and looking at pictures of us just because she loved it when I used to sing.. In my mind we are still together and I’ve actually prayed we would get back together because I put my heart and soul into her.
    I feel so discgusted because during our time apart my Nana passed away and I realised if I honestly had the choice to be with this girl or to have my Nana back (I was so close to my Nana) I would honestly choose this girl. Because my Nana has lived her life, she’s raised her sons well and she isn’t in pain anymore.. Plus she wants me and her other grandchildren to grow happy. So many thoughts surround my head and its became a fact that without this girl I can’t go on, I need her, I found happiness through the darkness and its gone. I’m back in the darkness without her.. I’ve cheated death.. I’ve attempted suicide previous times but it just didn’t kill me “/.. I can’t live like this anymore 🙁 i feel like my future.. My future family is gone and life is just a mocking reminder of these issues…

    • Jordan,

      I’m glad you were able to get it off your chest. I do recommend being able to find somebody else you can share “some” of this with. They maybe able to help you further as well. Your eatting disorder is only a symptom of something deeper. Its not permanent unless you allow it to control you. I know you read my story and maybe the other stories as well, but God is a living God who loves you. “32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” Romans 8:32

      Its time to make a change for the better and stop thinking like this. Sometimes you have to lose something and let it go to get it back. Other times you just have to let go because something better is coming even when you don’t think so. God knows best and if you will trust in Him to have His way for your life, then it will be better. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, His ways are higher than our ways. Don’t pray to God like He’s a med kit, but pray to Him with reverence as He’s an Almighty God who truly is everywhere.

      Praying for you Jordan

  12. Heyy,
    Pls tell me how to die im really depressed….and i just wannna die…..
    tell me the way in which it would hurt me lesss……or maybe tell me the ways of how can i get out of depression.

    • Hey Shiva,

      I told you how I got out of depression by praying. I do know you shouldn’t go at this alone, seek help from somebody. I recommend you contact the guys at they will be able to email you back and forth. Also, try picking up that book I recommended on this page, Battlefield of the Mind.

      Praying for you

  13. how can i die easily. tell me a methi just hate to live. each and everyday is becoming like a hell. my father is getting a very high salary. so if i die it wont affect my family financially and my brother is there to look after them. please tell it. it is very urgent

    • Hey Aran,

      Killing yourself will solve nothing if there is a heaven and hell. And if there is a heaven and hell do you know where you’d go? Jesus says “I am the way the truth and the life and no one can come to the Father except through me” The bible also talks about a everlasting fire for those who do not submit their lives to God. I hope you will understand the seriousness as God is a living God. I have many stories of prayers being answered , just read some of my other posts. Praying for you Aran, God bless!

  14. I love my sister alot, she left me today for no reason, life really sucks, i dont know what to do? Please help me with a good advice,

    Im still 18, i have my university exam this year, i coudnt concentrate in my studies, but if i die my mom wil be alone, an my brothers will miss me, but i want to come out of this pain, reply asap

    • Princess,

      I know life can be hard sometimes, especially when those closest to us hurt us. That doesn’t mean they want you to die, even if it did you need to think about your own wellbeing. You don’t have to live like this and I’m glad your at least able to think of your other family members. I’m going to be praying for you, I suggest you do the same as God is a living God who is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Read some of my other stories as it will encourage your faith.

      God bless!

  15. hi justin i am depressed veteren who hates life my ptsd has me alienated from everyone and i am hoping for a swift end to it all. i have done so many horrible things in the name of freedom and i just want to die so that i can be at peace but my concience will not let me kill myself no matter how hard i try. i so want the peace of death i beg god for it each day. i feel like he mocks me by leaving me here where i have so much pain each day.

    • Hey,

      I can relate to wanting to die because of pain. I was in a serious motorcycle accident which you can read here: I also prayed to God everyday to take me away because I lived on a bed for more than 6 months suffering in extreme pain. I also relate to having done horrible things, but there is hope. God knows people are corrupt without him. God is very much alive and if we seek Him with all of our heart He will speak to us. Its written in the Bible that He speaks to us like a Shepard speaks to His sheep. “22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” Gal 5:22-23

      The Apostle Paul, killed thousands of Christians before He found the Truth; the truth about who Jesus really was. He was forgiven of his sins, and you too can be forgiven and filled with the fruit of the Spirit. I’m praying for you. There is hope, God bless!

  16. I just wannna die.. please tell me how to die without going through any pain.. I cant bear the pain anymore.. n yaa dont encourage me or tell me any other stuff except methods to die.. U dont know how hard i have tired to be happy, to live life.. Please dont pray for me like u do for others.. cuzz i know its not gonna help.. No one will understand what i m going through now.. Actually they might bt i wont tell.. Its all cuzz of me.. All cuzz of that stpid mistake of loving someone.. Please tell the methods.. Thanks..!!!

    • Hey Monishka,

      You know good and well there is hope, you’ve read this story of mine where I found hope. There was also another time in my life where I continued to pray for God to take me, every single day. When I had my motorcycle accident I lived on a bed for more than 6 months suffering from extreme pain. I know what it is like as well to having lost somebody close. It isn’t fun at all. I also can’t promise I won’t be praying for you, because through prayer is how I found that God was alive and well, and that He cared for me, even though my life was a mess.

      If you kill yourself it won’t solve anything, especially when you find out there is a heaven and hell. Do you know where your going?

      Praying for you Monishka, God bless!

  17. hi…
    my friend facing very problem with their family members she was very irritating with them.. she doing job in her office also facing irritating colloquies are very irritating with their behaviors the reason is only one she very strict and hard worker.. in some situations she think about die.. in that situations i will tell her very much and make her ok but i wanna clear her total problems what to do,,,

    • Hey Vinnu,

      Well, you’ve read how I was released from stress. By praying to a God who is alive and well. I know it isn’t the answer most are looking for but there is peace when you know God is for you and that He truly does care. Question is do you know Him? I’m not sure if you read any of my other posts but they are all full of miracles, even witnessed a miracle of healing yesterday. God is the same yesterday, today and forever. My problems were much worse than irritating people not long ago. But of course I can relate to that as well. I used to work 2 jobs and a business and both of my bosses were corrupt. One went out of his way to yell at you and make your life hell, the other was very deceiving. I’m praying for you and your friend. I hope you find the Truth in my posts, about the God who loves you. God bless!

  18. Hi, justin
    I feel like noone cares about and im always gettin left behind i just feel angry all the.time and i dont like it i keep on having suicidal thoughts but i just dont wanna miss the new experiences in the world but sometimes i just feel that killing myself will make me feel better and just start a new life, im really confused!?!

    • Hey Marley,

      Who said when you die that you get to start a new life? My Bible talks about there being a heaven and everlasting fire called hell. That when you die your spirit leaves your body and enters into a spiritual realm. I’m not sure on all your beliefs but I have seen the evidence of a living God in my life on many occasions and I can tell you that He does care for you. He created the heavens and the earth. He doesn’t want you to live in pain nor kill yourself. His thoughts for you are numbered as the sand is to the sea. Do not take your own life but seek after God who is able to give you love, joy, peace, and gentleness. He made everything, including you…He knows best. Praying for you. I hope you take the time to read my other posts. God bless!

  19. I have lost a son to cancer. I have a son that is recovering from addiciton. i have a son that just stays away from all our family pain. I have a son that simply doesn’t understand the pain so has disowned all of us. I have 9 more kids that still love and need us but i am wore out tired of fighting just be easier to die

    • Mom,

      I’m very sorry to hear about your son. I know its not easy, but ending your life would do the same to all of your other children. That is not the path you want to take. In all things our attitude will determine how we view our situations. You can choose to live in peace and freedom because God has given His son for us. I know I am being religious here, but I’ve seen God heal so many people and do so many miracles in my own life, that it’s impossible for me not to believe! He can do the same for you! I’m going to be praying for you, also check out how God healed me from a near death experience.

  20. hi justin,i hate being alive, this is the way i feel and ive tried to change it but cant help being disappointed with this world and everyone in it: i dont belong here, i dont want anything, nothing interests me, i want to be left alone,i dont care to go anywhere or see anyone, and literally everyone lies and lies to take what little the other might have, ive learned that many people are just plain evil they dont care what happens to you or your family,they dont think twice about doing you wrong, ive not met one person who cant take advantageof another, its sad, this world is sad, do i have to be like that-a theif and lier and manipulating person to want to live? cus i look everywhere crime drugs rude people everywhere,and something that really tortures me…pets being mistreated, i have a little chiguaga and my heart aches just thinking the wrongs mean people do to defenseless animals around the world–my heart breaks completely, i cant help it i see and feel their pain sorrow and loneliness,imagine there are many suffering in my city alone, i DONT belong HERE i keep telling God he dont listen because he’s too busy channeling all his love and radience to justin beaver, lady gaga, angelina joli and all her bless ed family….i really cant wait to go home i know im going to heaven i dont know how many times ive accepted jesus about 20 at least..but apparently hes not availble…you might say “you have to help yourself before he can listen” but im tired of trying that i have no strengh left in me..and please dont ask me to find the streanght because its lost..i dont want any help i just want to be home, ..whats so wrong with wishing that..were all going there please pray i die soon and pray it to be painless like in my sleep or something like that, cuz thats what i want and he gave us free will…

  21. i’m only 15 but i’ve been feeling so depressed that I have been getting suicidal thoughts for a long time now

    i have very low self esteem..”socially-awkward”..i get too self conscious..

    …whether it’s in school or at home…everyone just sees the “wrong” things I have done
    …there is no one to defend me…everyone hates me for some very low reason or another…I get insulted and bullied….there’s a really heavy feeling in my chest…..there’s no one to talk to about my problems…my life is meaningless…:'(

    • Hey Nina,

      Your life is not meaningless, you have a purpose. I don’t know that purpose but God has called you out. I want you to check out a book called “battlefield of the mind by joyce meyer” It will really help you. Also, don’t be so concerned about what other people think of you, its none of your business anyways. If you live for a purpose and have vision then it won’t matter anyhow. So begin to pray for that. Check out as God heals depression too! Praying for you Nina!

  22. dont know how to start this off but i wanna die how did u get through life..
    my mother blames meh for her life going wrong but she said she dont mean it ….
    my father calls me worthless …im only 16 i used to cut my self to take the pain away
    but i made a promise to god not to cut anymore bout 3 years ago i never failed him…but my relationship with him not so good i dont think god will forgive
    me for my sins and i dont wanna get close to god then fail him again …faller has became a big part on my life i dont kno what im doing typing this but im tried off fighting this on my on family moved 100miles away from my grandfather and my cussin …i have no one i think bout cutting myself all day but i dont wanna lose the last thing i mabye have in life going for me god………no next steps in life but suicide…my mom and dad are not so
    close to god anymore now its kinda just pretending i guess i know they have a lot on there plate but they cant see what has come of me until theres no more me… head is so messed up i fill depression and cutting is just a part of life it became apart of me just help

  23. Hey Justin,
    I am 13 and go through depression and suicidal thoughts everyday .. my dad is actually in a home getting help for this disease in which he is depressed and couldnt handle it any longer .. well i have thought about committing suicide .. but i honestly dont want to die all i want is to have this depression go away and have all these thoughts be gone .. i know some day i may just have the worst day and it’ll come down to suicide .. but i dont feel like this is the choice .. all i want is too be happy and not have to think about depression and suicide … what do i do ?

  24. there’s this girl with whom i’m in since i was 15(now i’m 20) but she doesn’t love me and even care about me………so i want to seems so hopeless without her….n also there are so many problems for me in my life any thing i ever wanted would always vanish away from me just feel like dying right now..

  25. if god really loves me then why the bloody hell do i have so many problems…….it even looks like god doesn’t want me to be happy……..i just wish that i was never born

  26. I was a good kid. I never cussed, dated, or did much of anything that “bad” kids did. I was extremely quiet and “nice” from kindergarten all the way till 4 years after high school. During these years I struggled with depression and suicide really really bad. I couldnt understand it, the more I prayed and loved Jesus the worse I got. During middle school and high school I had dozens of girls asking me out (yes they actually initiated with me) but I basically ignored all of them even though in my heart I desperately wanted them and would go home and dream about them. I had good parents and safe surroundings in suburbia. Im tall, athletic, and girls always compliment my eyes but I HATED myself. I was the best at football and basketball at high school but I purposely tried to be bad cuz I didnt want to be noticed, and I eventually quit to my dads rightful disgust. I hate sports anyway and dont watch them, I should have done music. I lived in my imagination, and still do, because I couldnt accept my life, as a result I had no life and people called me out on it even though I never talked to them. Somehow people knew that I was holding back everything about me. The popular kids actually wanted me to snap out of it and hang out with them but I never did, and contined to lie in the social shadows for no reason.

    Then when I turned 23 this past february I finally understood what was wrong with me. From a very early age I disrespected myself and pushed my heart longings aside because I respected and feared other people too much. I tried to make Jesus my life and let Him run things but I know now that I need to run things according to what He teaches and what my soul longs for. I realize now I should have dated all the girls I wanted to. I should have pushed away my hate for myself and did what I wanted to do and act a little (bad). I kinda wish I have excuses for how depressed I got such as a broken family, poverty, abuse etc. but I dont, I just abused myself and there is little sympathy for that. I finally respect myself more but the past huants me majorly when it comes to girls. I had so many chances that I wasted. I see a girl with nice legs and sweet face in public and I go to my car and cry because I have no chance anymore. I married a nice girl out of the blue last year because I was desperate and I hated myself but shes the wrong one and I truly know that now. I was trying to erase all my mistakes but I just made a bigger one. Im hopeless. I really need a huge life change, and I mean new job, new city, new friends. Suicide is creeping back into my soul. Im trying to finally live out what my heart is telling me but its hard and really too late for a lot of things. I hope to serve Jesus whole hearteldly but my heart is split from regret and lost opportunities. Sometimes I do get better but I wake up the next morning and my mistakes are there glaring in my face. Im a broken man, just like I was a broken kid sitting in kindergaten thinking about how worthless and stupid I am. Haha there goes a tear. I need help.

  27. I’m so depressed all the time. My life is shit. What makes it worse is seeing other people happy and having fun. I have no friends, I just stay at home all day, don’t have any motivation to do my uni work. I’m a born again christian and pray but nothing ever happens. I ask god to kill me but he can’t even do that. Don’t get me wrong, I love the lord, but I hate my life and don’t want to live. The only thing stopping me from suicide is fear of going to hell, but sometimes I think I rather go hell then stay here. It’s so unfair.

  28. Any one can probably Imagine that i am addressing my concern on this forum means i am thinking about suicide, Painless Death. Gun, Hanging, Train, Jumping from the building all are painful and chances of survival are very high. Here is my Idea Have high dosage of Marijuana, take some sleeping pills and drink some PESTICIDE milk shake. You will die painlessly in an Hour.

    Well here is my story I am only 25 and was diagnosed with Acid Reflux 3 years ago, till date I am unable to sleep well, ages of sleepless nights and heartburn. Since 6 Months Severe Knee pain and since last 3 days unbearable knee pain cant wank, sit , stand.

    Since last 2 Months Severe Back Pain Swollen Spine and shoulder blade pain and Muscular tissue in the neck.

    Here I am swirling in pain all the time life is miserable cannot eat well, cannot drink well, cannot move, bend at least cannot drink alcohol, cannot go out with friends, I have no real friend, Unable to continue my job, money problem every end seems to be a dead end. I am just waiting for time to cure my problems

    I cannot take painkillers or orthopedic medicines as they exacerbate Acid Reflux my whole life is a Dead-Lock and I have nothing left.

    Lets see I have saved my PESTICIDE milk shake for future when all options exhaust.

  29. I seriously do not what to do, or rather what I can do.
    My whole entire life is pretty much mapped out by my family, from the people im ‘allowed’ to be friends with to the stuff i’m ‘allowed’ to vent out about in my so-called diary.
    I feel like i have sneak away from my family to anything and everything I want, which isn’t much. (Chatting with random friends, writing little stories, listening to music/killing time)
    I don’t know, before I was more or less okay with it because I always had this one person there for me. Though I guess I just started to take that person for granted and well, they’re not here anymore (for me at least).
    I mean, we still talk now and then but it’s so awkward and distant that I can’t bear it.
    And then there’s the fact that my family didn’t ‘approve’ of the person to begin with.
    I would run away from them in a moment if I could, but, since these days I’m not even, technically, allowed to go outside anymore…
    (They’re not outwardly grounding me, just putting limitations on where I can go and how long I can go -no more than 80-100 feet outside the house and I must come back every 15 minutes)
    What did I do wrong to have this all happen to me?
    I started being ‘myself’-being happy for once- and not the little girl who followed every little whim of what my family wanted without putting in an opinion of my own.
    My whole life I’ve been living in a beautiful little lie; and the one time I speak the truth, everything collapses.
    So what’s better? Living as puppet my whole entire life, or…
    I know, you’re probably going to say that when I am 18 i’ll be able to make my own decisions and what not but that’s never going to happen.
    When I say mapped out…I mean it.
    They already have the college and major I will be taking aaaaaaand…yes I know it sounds very Elizabethan and all but..
    They technically already have a ‘husband’ for me ( I am 14…) Weelll…not a husband but a list of people from whom I will get married to (mostly sons’ of business colleagues of dad’s)

  30. hi justin,
    i have done a mistake in my life with my girlfriend.thts y she has to leave me.but she does’nt know tht she left me bcoz of my mistake.i realise my mistake front of god..but now i want to die..i lost my love bcoz of my mistake…i love her alot..

  31. name is charley and I wanna die.I won’t tell u why but I wanna just say as I’m not even a teen yet I have a lot of stressful things going on and death is a way easy way out.any ideas?

  32. Hey I have the hardest life ever it just seems I would be better off dead. Today at school I had gotten yelled at by my gym teacher for not trying and I always try to the best of my availability. I just feel that I need my life to start over. It seems that I am not the cool popular kid that everybody loves or I have never dated anybody either. What can I do for a change in my life to make it better and not think of dying all the time.

  33. i am 17 years old whos parents hate each other,has a son at the age of 16 and doesnt get to see him,i have one eye from an accident that happened to me when i was ten,and has anger problems and some depprison from everything going on in my life. since i was born my family and I have loved god and prayed everyday of my life since I have turned 17 and from this day nothing good has really happened in my life from 1 to 17,and i’ve always prayed for good things for at least to not see my parents fight or let me see my son and nothing happened. now what i come to realize now is and what im starting to think is that i just wasted my whole life in just prayer and loving god and now when i start to realize this it really scares when i think likes this, I know deep down in me i still have faith but just really nothing has showed me that he is here and it sad for me to think that way but yea so if you can just give some advice please

  34. Pls tell to I want to die no hopes. On my life I hate my life I hate myself each and every second dying I want to die pls pray for me


  36. My parents got divorced at the beginning of last year and things have been rough on my siste and me since they split up. I used to be depressed while they were still together but I thought it would get better once my dad was in a seperate house but it hasn’t been. He is the worst person I could ever to think of to have as a gather sometimes. I’m failing at school, I feel like my sister hates me, and I don’t think anyone in my family even cares about me anymore. I feel all alone in the world and I just want to die.. What should I do?

  37. Hi,
    I dun agree wid this fact that everything could change wid small prayer. wt things are meant to be, they happen. im 25 yrs old, n i can certainly say that. i hv seen miracle happening in ppl lives but not mine. u knw the reason? reason is not that ppl prayed .. it was because GOD wanted it that way….

  38. You People are BS When a preson types how can i DIE we don’t need well wishers like you f-ing it (PLANS) up for us

  39. am relly messed up…both in my love life and wit one wit my family….i have lost completly…i took 15 sleeping pills now will i die……am sacred…if i die its fine but then if i am alive am very sacred of it….suggest me something

    • You read my story, and there is hope. There is a God who cares for you, His name is Jesus. I’m in prayer for you right now that those pills will not work, but your life will be spared and you will see God’s power upon your life. When you read this you will know what I say is true. You must surrender to God to live a life of joy. Taste and see that the Lord is good.

      • You can stick your god somewhere. There is no god, you are deluded as are all who believe in a kind of deity and there is only survival of the fittest via evolution, we, who want to die-commit suicide, are just weak and from evolutionary standpoint it is better for us die to strengthen the gene pool and increase the chances of the survival of humankind.


        • George,

          Its like this, if I were about to drink a cup of poison, but didn’t know it. Though, you did and you didn’t say anything. Would that make you guilty of my death? Its the same way. I know the truth and I’m trying to spread it, because God has done so many radical miracles in my own life. In the past 2 months I’ve seen over 50 people healed, from deaf ears to incurable diseases. Even in my own life I experience His power nearly on a daily basis. Read about my near death experience.

      • hi justin,
        i am 22 years old. my life full of pain, i don’t want to live any more. my parents makes fun of me… i already tried 5 times sucide. and m still trying to… every time the sucide thoughts disturbs me a lot. but every time when m trying that i just pray to god that please give me some more time to live. my life full of failures. i fail all times… the unluckiest person in the world is myself. pray for me to live happily with my family or pray for me to die to make other’s happy.

        • Rajasekhar,

          I will be praying that your life will be a blessing to many people. Its never too late to change our thinking. Its our attitude that determines how we view our life. You are not a failure! We all make mistakes, but have to learn from them so we don’t repeat them. Praying for you!

    • I damnly want to die. I’m very much depressed. My family not encouraging me. They are comparing me with other fellows. Even though I got job they r comparing me with my age group fellows and discouraging me. My mom is my only motivator. whn she is not in my home my family members starts speaking about others who r in good position. I have lots and lots of skills but because of my family members I cant shine myself. I’m dumped. My skills r dumped. I damnly want to die… I lost many things in my life.. I want to die… !!!


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